


By Night One Way, By Day Another

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Ed needs to figure things out, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Made up tea, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, More love confessions, Mutual Pining, Oswald is a nervous wreck, Pining, Tea, What dorks!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Oswald confesses his love to Ed. Ed freaks out and does something stupid. Then Oswald does something stupid too.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 21
Kudos: 94





	By Night One Way, By Day Another

This had to stop. Oswald was beginning to despise himself. His mother would've been so disappointed if she could see him now. If she could see what he had become. Then again, he never wanted her to really see him for who he was. Not even when she was alive. Deep down, he knew Maroni was right about him when he told his mother Oswald was a deranged murderer. Oswald denied it then, unable to face the pain in his mother’s eyes, but the thought stayed with him, buried inside and festering. The thought that he was not a good man. When he became mayor he hoped he could finally be someone his parents would be proud of. People loved him and he was a good mayor. Better than all the former ones, for sure! He wished his parents could see him at that moment. But now... He wasn't sure he wanted them to see him now. 

He inhaled deeply, waiting for Edward to wake up. He was going to tell him. He was  _ definitely  _ going to tell him everything today. But when Edward opened his eyes to the sunlight seeping through the window of his bedroom, Oswald was long gone. 

~*~ 

_ Two weeks earlier...  _

"Edward, there's something I need to tell you. Something… very important." 

He swallowed nervously. Edward was looking at him attentively, ever the efficient chief of staff, ready for whatever important information Oswald was about to divulge. And Oswald wished desperately that he could remember how to speak at that moment. But he was suddenly rendered speechless. He had no idea being in love could be so difficult that he would be unable to form a proper sentence to express his feelings for his beloved. Then again, he never thought he'd even have a beloved. 

"Yes, Oswald?" Said Ed encouragingly. 

That snapped Oswald out of his stupor. "Edward, when we first met, I pushed you away. I told you you were standing too close." 

Edward's lips were a tight line. Clearly, he didn't like being reminded of those times. Back when he was a  _ "nobody at the GCPD" _ , like he used to describe it. But this was important, so he had to hear it. 

Oswald continued. "Then you saved my life, both physically and emotionally. You are like a guardian angel to me, Edward. You save me so many times. You guide me. You help me. You support me. You believe in me." He smiled and gazed up at the man he loved. "I wish I could do this better but the truth is... I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do this the right way." 

Ed frowned a little. "Do what, Oswald?" 

"Confess." Oswald inhaled deeply and gathered all his courage. He thought of his parents and their love. They were brave. He could be brave too. "I love you, Edward." 

A smile graced Edward's face as he glanced down at his hands. "Why, I love you too, Oswald," he replied with ease. "You're my best friend." 

Oswald's heart became heavier. It was nice to hear Ed say this, but, "That's not  _ quite  _ what I meant though," he corrected softly. Looking Ed straight in the eyes, Oswald tried to explain, "I  _ love _ you, Edward. As more than a friend. I love you like you're the air I breathe. I love you like you're the reason I am glad to be alive. I love you like the world wouldn't make sense without you. I love you, Ed. You're my one true love. And this is me, running to you. Hoping you'd love me back." His voice cracked a little at the last word and he pressed his lips together to hold back the embarrassing sounds that threatened to escape from him. He had to contain himself, he couldn't allow himself to cry at a time like this! He didn't want to freak Ed out. 

The silence in the room was deafening. Edward looked like he was a statue of himself -- beautiful and lifelike, but unmoving, silent and mute. 

Oswald realized he was holding his breath and forced himself to exhale. His hands were shaking, his feet felt quite shaky too. Funny how he had assumed this would be the hardest part. Turned out, telling Ed was easy. It was facing Ed's reaction that was the truly difficult bit. 

"I-- I don't want to upset you…,” he all but stuttered. “It can wait. You-- you don't have to say anything." 

Oh, but he hoped Edward  _ would say something! _ He hoped Edward would respond in like, return Oswald's love and accept his devotion. Sadly, this wasn't Oswald's fairytale moment. This was Oswald's reality. And reality was rarely anything but cruel to the Penguin. 

"I-- I'm sorry, Oswald," Ed said and took a step back, putting more space between them. "I need to think."

Oswald swallowed again. "Of course. Anything you need, Ed.  _ Anything _ ." 

He forced a smile on his face but his heart was breaking. Edward,  _ his  _ Edward, was slipping away. And there was nothing Oswald could do about it. Ed needed time to process. He didn't feel the same way as Oswald so now he needed his space to work out how to deal with this. Because Oswald put him in this position. Oswald ruined their friendship. 

He clenched his fists tightly to ground himself and tried not to show how sad he was. In his naive lack of experience Oswald had assumed that all love confessions ended with a romantic kiss. He had seen plenty of movies like that with his mother back in the day. But those were just made up stories. They weren't real. Oswald had no idea what real life romance was meant to be like. 

Edward's voice pulled him back to the moment. "I'll see you for dinner tonight, okay?" he muttered, taking a few more steps away from Oswald. "I'll pick us a nice bottle of wine and we'll talk about it." 

Oswald nodded silently. He didn't trust himself to utter a sound. 

Ed must've felt his discomfort because he smiled at him reassuringly. But there was something strange about that smile, something unsteady. 

"Please, don't worry, Oswald. It's okay, I promise. I'm just... surprised.” Ed sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I didn't expect this. I'm sorry, Oswald, I can't stay here right now. I need to breathe. I’ll be back tonight. I'm sorry..." 

That said, Edward turned around and all but ran out of the room.

~*~ 

Oswald loved him. Oswald loved him? How could that be? When did it happen? How come Edward never noticed? He should’ve seen it coming, notice the signs, but he didn't. Somehow it slipped through him. It was a surprise. Not necessarily an unpleasant one... but a surprise nevertheless. And Ed wasn't sure how to respond. 

_ "Don't be a fool. It's not like you didn't have the biggest crush on him back when you first met," _ a firm and familiar voice filled his head.  _ Him  _ again. 

Edward thought he'd seen the last of  _ him _ . But  _ he  _ was back. And he wasn't wrong this time. Edward did have a crush on Oswald back then. Perhaps he still did. But was it wise to explore this desire? He wasn't quite sure how he felt and the situation was so delicate even without Edward complicating it more. The smallest mistake could shatter everything Ed held dear. He had a good life now, a best friend he loved deeply, and they were ruling Gotham together. Ed couldn't ruin all that because of a silly old crush and an unexplored romantic and sexual curiosity. 

It wasn’t a recent thing. Ed had been questioning his sexuality for decades. Yet it was unfair to Oswald to explore it at his expense. Even if Ed wanted to see what it would be like to  _ be  _ with Oswald, what if it turned out this wasn't for him? What if he didn't like being with a man as much as he thought he might? Oswald had feelings for him, for fuck's sake! This was Oswald's heart Ed would be playing with. He couldn't risk shattering his best friend's heart because of his repressed sexual attraction. No, there had to be another way. Ed just needed to think. 

He spent the whole day wandering the streets of Gotham, hoping for some grand revelation. None came to him and it was already nearing sunset. He had to get ready for his dinner with Oswald, even if he didn't know what to tell him yet. His eyes landed on the store he usually preferred. Getting a nice bottle of wine was the least he could do for Oswald. Still unsure, he pushed the door open and went inside. 

~*~ 

Oswald was pacing nervously, biting at his nails. Not only did Edward not show for their dinner, he also wasn't picking up his phone and didn't come home. Could this be his answer to Oswald's confession? Or was he in danger? In their line of work, with so many enemies lurking in the shadows, it was not very unlikely that someone hurt Ed. Horrified at that possibility, Oswald picked up the phone again. 

“Hello? I need to file a missing person’s report. … Yes, I understand that one is expected to wait 24 hours before filing a missing person’s report, but, sir, I am the mayor!”

It was just at this moment that he heard the front door opening. The phone slipped from his fingers and he nearly gasped when he saw Ed walking into the room. 

“Oswald. I am  _ so  _ sorry. I didn’t mean to miss our dinner, I--” 

"Edward!" Oswald exclaimed and limped quickly towards him, ignoring the pain in his leg. He gathered Edward into a tight embrace, so relieved to see he was alright. “You’re alive! I was so worried. When you didn't come home, I assumed the worst. I'm so glad you're okay.” 

He suddenly realized he was still holding Edward in his arms. Perhaps that wasn’t the best idea considering their current situation. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean fto--" he muttered at the same time as Edward said, "I'm sorry, I lost track of time.” 

They both chuckled awkwardly. 

"You go first," Oswald said, rather shyly. 

“I didn’t mean to miss dinner, Oswald. I was picking us wine when I met someone.” His smile widened at the mention of that someone and Oswlad's heart sank. “You won’t believe it but she's the spitting image of Kristen Kringle!” 

Oswald paled. "Kristen Kringle. Your dead ex-girlfriend Kristen Kringle?" 

"Yes!" Edward nodded with enthusiasm. "I thought it was Kristen at first. But then I realized my mistake. We started talking and I just… forgot to check my watch.” 

Oswald's heart broke in two. So  _ that _ was Edward’s answer. He'd rather be with the doppelganger of his dead ex-girlfriend than with Oswald. It was hurtful. Oswald took a small step back.

"Anyway,” Ed continued, "yesterday I wasn't sure how I felt about you and what you told me. I didn't know what I should do. I was really confused. But then I talked to Isabella, -- that's her name, Isabella, -- and she made everything so clear to me!" 

"Of course she did," Oswald muttered, taking another step back. It was clear Edward didn't want him. And it was rather upsetting that he'd seek advice from a complete stranger, even if she was the spitting image of Kringle. 

"I’m so glad I met her. She said some great things. I think I found a new friend. But more on that later. Now I'm ready to talk to you and open up." 

Oswald held his hand up to stop Ed from going any further. "You don't have to say anything, Edward. I understand." 

"No, I don't think you do," Edward insisted. His long legs took a stride and he was quickly right in front of Oswald again. "I won't lie, Oswald, your confession surprised me. I didn't think you had such feelings for me. I was scared and unsure but now all I want to do is this," He leaned in and kissed Oswald's cheek. Then pulled away to wait for Oswald’s reaction. 

Oswald just blinked at him, lips parted in surprise. It was a very chaste kiss, it felt almost like he was being kissed by his mother. Yet, there was so much more to it, it made Oswald's heart jump wildly in his chest. 

"Edward!" He breathed. "Does this mean...?" 

He dared not hope! Hope has the power to bring immense pain. Oswald wasn’t sure he could take more of it. 

"Hold me, Oswald!" Edward said with feeling. "Don't let me go!" 

He quickly pulled Oswald into a tight embrace, rendering him completely speechless. It took him a moment to respond and hug Ed tightly. 

They spent the rest of the early morning on the couch. The day was slowly getting brighter and with the new sunrise everything in Oswald's life changed too. Even Edward's eyes were different, shining as he gazed lovingly at Oswald. 

Ed wrapped an arm around Oswald's shoulders and Oswald allowed himself to melt into that perfect embrace. Oh, the ecstatic joy of being held by the man he loved! Oswald never thought he'd feel that but here they were now!

"I love you, Oswald. I think I always have." 

Ed was smiling and Oswald couldn't look away from him. His breathing became more frantic when Ed hooked his index finger under Oswald's chin and gently encouraged him to lean up for another kiss. His gaze slid down to Oswald's lips for a moment and then their eyes met again. The smile on Ed's face was a gentle question. 

"Yes..." Oswald whispered, unable to say more, despite all the emotions coursing through him. 

With Oswald's permission, Edward brought their faces together and Oswald felt a gentle brush of soft lips against his. Oswald's first real kiss. The most perfect feeling in the world, without a doubt. 

Oswald let out a soft little whimper and kissed Ed back, inexperienced but so loving. 

They spent the rest of the morning curled up and kissing on the couch. Then eventually Edward yawned and closed his eyes. Soon he was asleep in Oswald's arms, and surely all this had to be a beautiful fantasy! 

~*~ 

He woke up with a stiff neck and Oswald sleeping next to him. They were at the mansion, on the couch, for some reason, which was odd because Ed didn't remember coming home. How did he get here? And why was Oswald curled up so closely to him? What happened last night?

He pushed his fingers into his eyes and rubbed them with a frown. The last thing he remembered was talking to his new friend Isabella. Perhaps it was the resemblance to Kristen, perhaps -- something else, but they instantly connected. She understood him so well, it felt like they knew each other all their lives and Ed gladly shared with her his dilemma. She was very kind, listening to him worrying and finding the perfect answers to calm him down and encourage him. She even offered him her special tea that she used to calm herself down. He felt calm, alright, his headache gone. But so were his memories from last night. Panicking at that realization, he looked at Oswald again. He needed answers now! 

"Oswald? Oswald, wake up, please." He carefully shook the other man by the arm. 

Oswald stirred and opened his eyes. Looking up at Ed with those beautiful blue-green eyes, he melted into a smile. 

"Good morning, Ed." He then chuckled, sounding a little giddy. "Although I suppose it's already past noon." 

"There's no time for this, Oswald," Edward said hastily. "you have to tell me what happened last night?" 

Oswald's entire body went rigid at the question. "Edward... What do you mean? You... you don't remember?" 

Edward shook his head, the unsettling feeling of anxiety rising in the pit of his stomach. "I don't. What happened?" 

Oswald sat up, brows furrowed together with a worried look on his face. "You didn't come back till early this morning. You seemed… fine. Happy, even. I thought… I should've known something was wrong." 

"Why? What did I do?" Ed asked quickly. 

Oswald looked him in the eye for a long moment, then smiled. "Nothing. You didn't do anything. You were just so happy but you didn't ask me one riddle. I should've known something was up." 

Ed chuckled at that. Dear Oswald, always knowing how to cheer him up even at times like these. 

He reached up to cup Oswald's hand. The other man flinched at the touch, it was an instinctive jerk of his entire body, one he could not control, and Ed quickly pulled away. He had forgotten about Oswald's feelings for him. They hadn't discussed it yet, so Oswald probably felt uneasy to be this close to Ed. 

"Oswald… about the other thing…," he began but Oswald quickly interrupted him. 

"We don't have to talk about that now. Let's find out what happened to you first. This can wait." 

"Are you sure?" Ed asked. 

Oswald nodded. "I am sure." 

With slight relief, Ed continued. "I remember I was at the store, picking up wine, and I met this woman -- Isabella. She was the spitting image of Kristen Kringle!" Ed waited for the effect of his words to hit Oswald but Oswald didn't seem surprised. "My dead ex-girlfriend,  _ that _ Kristen," he clarified. 

"Yes, I remember. It's strange this woman looks like her." 

"It was strange. But not that unusual. Cases of doppelgangers can be traced back to the age of--" 

"Yes, Ed, I know. Just… let's get on with it." Oswald sounded a bit irritated and Ed wondered why that was. Was it something Ed did? Oswald smiled again. "Sorry. I just want to know what happened to you and why you don't remember." 

Ed nodded. This sounded right. "Yes. Well, the only thing different that I know of is the tea." 

"The tea? What tea?" 

"Isabella gave me tea to calm my nerves." 

"Wait. Where did she find tea? I thought you were at the store this whole time… oh… You went back to her house, didn't you." 

Without knowing why exactly, Ed felt guilty before Oswald for that. "It's not like that. We didn't--" 

"No, no, I don't-- I don't want to know. It's your life." 

"But Oswald--" 

"Don't tell me, Ed. You don't have to explain yourself. I understand." 

The hurt in Oswald's eyes would go unnoticed for anyone who didn't know him. Masked as irritation, or anger, or ambition. But to Edward, who knew Oswald better than anyone, it was clear as day. Oswald Cobblepot was hurt beyond repair. And it was Edward's fault. 

"You were saying she gave you tea?" Oswald continued, avoiding to look Ed in the eyes and sounding as casual as he could muster. 

"Yes." 

"What kind of tea?" 

"A herbal remedy of her own. She said she makes it herself." 

"Well, that's not suspicious at all." 

"It's not like she poisoned me or anything. It was probably a side effect she failed to mention. I'll go see what she has to say about it." 

Oswald snapped his gaze up to look at Ed again. "You're going back to her?" 

"Yes. I need answers." 

"One can argue with that." 

"I'll see you when I get back," Ed said and before he knew it he was giving Oswald a peck on the cheek as a goodbye. Both men froze. "I--" Ed stuttered confused. "I've no idea why I just did that." 

"It's a European thing, I guess. Kissing people to say goodbye. It's not that unusual." Oswald swallowed. His hands were shaking a little but Ed thought it was probably better to not point that out right now. 

"European. Yes." He nodded and stumbled towards the door. "I'll go--" 

"Yeah." 

"-- and find out about--" 

"Mhm."

"I'll call you!" 

"Of course…" 

And he left. 

~*~ 

Oswald was an idiot. To think Edward could ever love him back? How stupid one had to be to believe that! Of course there was another reason Ed said what he said. He had been drugged! He had to be  _ drugged  _ to love Oswald. 

Oswald tried not to be bitter about it but the moment he was alone he instantly reached for the scotch decanter. Yes, it was one o’clock in the afternoon, but he needed the drink, he needed a distraction. He buried himself in work for the rest of the afternoon, the glass of scotch by his side. It was a small mercy that he didn’t have to go to City Hall today so he could conduct all his affairs from his study at the mansion. Despite himself, he kept glancing at his phone every other minute, waiting for Edward to call or text. There was nothing but silence and Oswald once again sunk deep into his large armchair, a shadow clouding his face. He had lost. He had lost not only his beloved, but his best friend too. What he and Ed had was now most likely changed forever. How long would it take to go back to the way things were, if ever? 

And even though he tried not to think about that, Oswald couldn’t help the jealousy rising inside him. Edward had gone to Isabelle’s home right after he met her at that blasted shop. He felt such a strong connection to that woman that he had completely forgotten about Oswald and the matters they needed to discuss. Oswald felt more abandoned and alone than he ever had in his entire life. And all he wanted to do was cry. 

Edward did not text or call to let him know how his talk with Isabelle went. But he was back home before dinner. 

“Well? How did it go?” Oswald asked, putting away the glass before Ed could see it (although he could probably smell it on Oswald). 

“Oswald! I missed you  _ so much! _ ” Ed gasped instead of an answer and gathered Oswald into his arms. Before Oswald could respond, Ed was already kissing him with hungry impatience. 

“Ed, Ed, wait…” Oswald put his palms on Edward’s firm chest and pushed him a little so that he could look him in the eyes. They were all shiny and glassy like earlier this morning and it made Oswald wonder… “Are you high again?” He sounded outraged even though he could hardly hold the moral high ground here, having been drinking since noon. “Did she give you more tea?” 

"Tea? Of course, I had tea. Isabella’s great with tea." Ed pressed their foreheads together and smiled. He looked so calm, so happy. "I stayed there the whole afternoon but, Oswald, all I did was think about you. I missed you… Tell me you missed me too?" 

Oswald tried to be strong, he really did. He could blame this on the alcohol in his system or his desperation to be loved by Ed, but the truth was, he loved this man and being in his arms was all he wanted. He couldn't think about anything other than Ed’s warm hands on his hips, and Ed’s breath tingling his lips. 

"I missed you too, Edward…," he confessed breathlessly. "I missed you  _ so  _ much!" 

They hugged and then they kissed and before things could get any further, Edward was asleep once again. Oswald snuggled with him the entire night. In the morning he sneaked out back to his own bedroom. He didn't want to freak Edward out in the morning. He already knew tomorrow things would be different. Edward would forget everything that happened the night before and things would go back to normal. As for Isabelle… It was time Oswald dealt with her and put an end to this once and for all. 

~*~ 

Edward woke up well rested and in a great mood. He wondered why that was. The previous day had been a trying one, so why would he feel so refreshed and even joyful this morning? Perhaps it was the knowledge that he had done what he had to. But there was something missing, something that didn't quite make sense… 

“What happened yesterday?” 

The familiar dread filled him again. Anxiety, the like of which he had not felt since his days at the GCPD, made his hands shake a little and his palms sweat. Why couldn't he remember? Why did he feel the same way he felt the previous day when he woke up to find-- 

“Oswald…?” 

He looked around but there was no sign of the other man. Ed was completely alone in his bedroom. Of course, he would be alone. Who else could be here with him? What a silly thing, to feel as if Oswald ought to be around. 

He quickly slid off his bed and finished his morning routine in haste. He needed to see the Mayor at once. 

Oswald was at the breakfast table, skimming through the morning headlines like he usually did, a pile of newspapers resting on the side. 

“Edward. Good morning,” he greeted with a smile when he noticed Ed and put away the paper. 

“Good morning," Edward replied and took his usual seat next to his best friend. "Umm, Oswald? I… I need to speak with you.” He hesitated a little, trying to decide how exactly to formulate his question. “This may sound a little odd but…”

“What happened last night?” Oswald supplied at the same time Ed did. 

Ed gasped. "Yes. Exactly. How did you--?” 

Oswald chuckled softly. "It’s alright, Ed. I made some inquiries of my own.” 

Ed frowned. “What do you mean?” 

"I presume you remember going to Isabelle’s yesterday?” 

“Isabell-AH. And yes, I do,” he furrowed his brows some more, still not quite sure where this was going. 

“And do you remember what happened afterwards?” 

Ed tried but, for the life of him, couldn’t remember. He shook his head, ashamed of himself. 

Oswald must’ve felt how upset he was, because he reached out and cupped his hand.

“Please, don’t worry, Ed," he said softly, comfortingly. "Everything will be alright." He then retreated his hand back to himself and continued in his usual tone, “It’s Isabelle’s tea. It has that effect on people’s minds.” 

“Isabella… drugged me?” Ed asked, unable to keep the disappointment from his voice. He really liked Isabella. He considered her a good friend and he had been hoping there would be another explanation for this. 

Oswald looked at him with fondness mixed with something Ed couldn’t quite decipher. “Ah, now, that’s just the thing. Isabelle claims you  _ wanted  _ the tea. According to her, you took it willingly and even asked her to give you some for later, to take with you back to the mansion.” 

Ed swallowed. “I don't understand. Why would I do that? If it messes up with my brain, why would I want it? My brain is the most important--” 

“I know, Ed. But, according to Isabelle, you did. She said you told her you needed it. Now, I don’t know  _ why  _ you’d want it, but the tea is harmless. It's a rare herb. Isabelle gets it from a girl called Ivy Pepper. She grows it herself. It’s not so much like a drug, more like a… herbal remedy? It calms the nerves and frees the mind. From what I gathered, the herb stimulates certain parts of the brain and makes people forget their fears and inhibitions.” 

“So it’s like alcohol only without the hangover?” 

“Something like that,” Oswald allowed. 

“And I don’t even remember what I did during the effects of that tea,” Ed sighed. 

“Apparently that’s part of the process. Once the effects of the tea wore off, your brain is restored to the way it was before. And apparently, you don’t remember anything that happened while you were…” 

“High?” 

“I guess that’s one way to put it,” Oswald pressed his lips together and swallowed. He had this strange forlorn look on his face, before he snapped back to the present moment. “Anyway, you won’t take it anymore and everything will be alright.” 

“Why did Isabella do this to me? What was her objective?” Ed asked, still hurt at the thought of Isabella’s betrayal.

Oswald hesitated a little. “She had no malicious intent. I made sure of it. She thought she was helping you.” 

“At least that was a relief.” 

“You can still… be friends with her,” Oswald added quietly, looking away. 

“I  _ really  _ don’t feel like seeing her any time soon,” Ed said and Oswald instantly perked up. “This herb is basically a mind controller. I can’t believe I took this thing not once, but  _ twice _ ! What an idiot…” 

Oswald chuckled fondly. “You’re not an idiot, Ed. The tea works like a stress reliever. It freed your subconscious desires. No one else controlled you but your own subconsciousness.” 

Ed wasn’t too happy about that. His experience from  _ “not being in the driving seat of his own body”  _ wasn’t exactly glowing. 

“As for why you took it…,” Oswald continued, a little nervously. “Perhaps you were under stress and confused because of… because of me. Because of what I said.” He swallowed as he met Edward’s eyes. “The tea calms the nerves and relaxes the body and the mind. Maybe that’s why you wanted it.” 

Ed inhaled deeply. “I don’t know. Maybe…” 

It was the only logical explanation. This herb was removing all inhibitions, leaving one’s subconsciousness in control of one’s actions. Suddenly, Ed froze as a thought crossed his mind. 

“Oswald? While I was under the effects of the tea… Did I-- Did I do something…  _ untoward _ ?” 

He was avoiding Oswald’s gaze, nervous about all the things his subconscious mind must’ve wanted to do with Oswald. He was horrified at the thought that he had somehow upset his best friend. 

Just for a moment Oswald went all stiff and slightly pale. But then quickly he melted into a reassuring smile. “You didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, Ed. You were just a little more excitable and in quite a good mood. Then you went to bed.” 

Ed relaxed a little at that knowledge at least. “Good. Thank you, Oswald. For your help.” 

“What else are friends for?” 

Ed smiled back at Oswald. “You really  _ are  _ my best friend.” 

~*~ 

Oswald expected this whole thing with the tea to be put behind them now that Oswald explained to Edward how the herb worked. But instead things got even messier. Ed didn’t go back to Isabelle, but apparently he still managed to find a way to get himself some of that herb. So now he decided to make that tea himself. And he did it nearly every evening! 

“It helps me sleep,” he claimed and even had the audacity to ask Oswald if he wanted to try it too. Oswald quickly refused. He didn’t need some voodoo tea in order to act the way he felt. He did that on his own already. He was basically wearing his heart on his sleeve. But Edward liked it, apparently. And there was very little Oswald could do about it. 

In theory, there was nothing wrong with Ed drinking tea to calm his nerves after a stressful day. It wasn’t like he was compromising himself or anything. He spent his evenings and nights quietly at home with Oswald. However, every time he drank his calming tea, Ed would become particularly  _ affectionate _ . Oswald would have protested, if it weren't for one tiny thing... 

"You're so beautiful, Oswald! Look at your face! Your chin... Your lips… I want to kiss those lips. I want to never stop kissing them.” As he said that, Edward teased Oswald’s lips with his own and then kissed him senseless. Oswald nearly fainted. “And your eyes…,” Edward continued. “I love your eyes, looking up at me the way they do. I love that strong decisive nose. I love everything about you.” He trailed each line on Oswald's face with the tips of his fingers, making Oswald shiver. “You’ve no idea what you’re doing to me,” he whispered hoarsely, driving Oswald wild. 

Oswald tried to be a strong man, he tried to resist this, reminding himself that Edward didn’t really know what he was doing. Even if this was something his “subconscious mind” wanted, he never really as much as hinted it to Oswald while sober, not really and never verbally. Oswald was insane to let Ed kiss and hold him the way he did. But Oswald was not as strong as he wanted to be. He allowed Ed to embrace him and praise him, and he kissed back each time Ed kissed him. 

On a few occasions Edward tried to go beyond kisses and hugs, and that was where Oswald drew the line. He couldn’t allow  _ that _ to happen, not this way. He felt guilty enough for the hugs and kisses he had stolen from Ed. He didn’t need more things to feel bad about. Besides, it was already incredible to experience the amazing feeling of cuddling with Ed and sleeping in his bed. That was all they ever did -- sleep in each other’s arms -- but it was already heavenly for Oswald. He couldn’t even imagine anything better than that. 

But it had to stop. Oswald was beginning to despise himself. His mother would've been so disappointed if she could see him now. If she could see what he had become. 

This had to stop. 

Tomorrow… 

~*~ 

Edward woke up, eyes sliding to the empty side of his bed. He sighed. Oswald was never here in the morning. During the evenings when he thought Ed was under the influence of the herbal tea, Oswald allowed kisses and hugs, he accepted compliments and even let Ed take him to his bed and cuddle all night. But in the mornings he was gone, back to his own bedroom, leaving Ed alone and yearning for Oswald’s embrace. During the day, his friend acted like nothing had changed between them, which Ed found very annoying. He had expected Oswald to address the matter or profess his feelings for Ed once again. Ed was prepared for it this time. He knew exactly what he wanted to say now. But nothing like that happened. Oswald never mentioned anything about their new evening tradition and he didn’t tell Ed he loved him either. Perhaps this wasn’t such a clever idea after all… 

After Ed found out what the tea did to him, he didn’t take it again. But he cooked up a great scheme! If he told Oswlad he took the herb and then acted all affectionate with him, he’d be able to evaluate his feelings for Oswald in a safe environment. If Oswald didn’t like it, he could always put a stop to it. And if Ed didn’t like it, he would know. Then, the next morning when Oswald inevitably would want to discuss it, Ed would know what to say. He would know if he was ready to give this a try or not. The tea was a great tool to find out what he felt for Oswald with certainty, without ruining their friendship. He could always blame it on the herb and be done with it. It was brilliant! Ed was very proud of his plan. Until Oswald’s unpredictable behavior threw everything off balance. 

Convinced that Oswald just needed another nudge, Edward pretended to drink the tea again the next evening too. But the same thing happened again. Oswald returned Edward’s kisses, but when the sun was up everything went back to normal. It was so puzzling! Perhaps Oswald was nervous about it too? He never seemed to oppose their new intimacies when he thought Ed was high on tea, so he must’ve liked that too.Maybe he was just afraid to mention his love again after the last time when Ed freaked out and went drinking suspicious herbs with a strange woman. Or perhaps Oswald had changed his mind? Perhaps he no longer felt that way about Ed? 

The thought filled Ed with dread and sadness. After almost two weeks of being so close to Oswald, he knew for a fact that he loved the man. Had he been a bit braver, he would’ve told him so himself. But things being as they were, Ed waited for Oswald to make the first move (again). It was unfair to expect that of him, especially after the last time, but Ed was weak. He wished he didn’t need to pretend to have drank a special herb just to be able to kiss Oswald. Eventually it would be time for him to face his fears and tell Oswald the truth. 

~*~ 

“Edward, are you planning on taking that tea of yours tonight?” Oswald asked, sounding a little concerned. 

“No. Not tonight,” Edward replied, inhaling deeply. It was time. He had to have this conversation with Oswald  _ tonight _ . 

“Good…” Oswald swallowed. He took a hesitant step towards Ed, then stopped and started fiddling with his fingers nervously. “There’s something I need to tell you, Ed. it’s about that tea…” 

Ed nearly gasped. Was Oswald going to--

“Yes, Oswald?” 

Oswald looked so filled with anxiety, chewing at his lower lip and breathing rapidly like he was about to faint any moment now. 

“Oswald…?” Ed reached out for him but Oswald pulled away, looking even more upset. 

“When you take that tea you act like you’re in love with me!” he sputtered, then went on without as much as pausing to breathe. “You act like you love me and I tried to tell you from the start, but it felt so good I didn’t want it to stop! I feel so guilty and I know I should’ve told you earlier, but I couldn’t! I’m so sorry, Ed! We even  _ slept  _ together! I let it happen and I shouldn’t have. I took advantage because I was too weak to resist. I know you must hate me now… I know I blew my chances with you but please don’t be mad at me! I’ll do anything to make it up to you! I’m sorry, Edward, I really am!” 

After it was all out, he abruptly stopped and sucked in a few breaths of air, looking worriedly at Ed. He clearly expected him to be furious, and perhaps under different circumstances Ed would’ve been. Oswald had kept something from him and Ed hated being lied to. But in this case… 

“Oswald… I too have a confession to make,” Ed began, but then something caught up with him. “Wait. When did we sleep together?” He frowned, trying to remember. Surely, he hadn’t missed something like  _ that  _ happening! 

Oswald blushed. “Almost every night for the last two weeks…,” he said quietly, hanging his head. “You seemed to enjoy sharing a bed with me again, so we spent our nights together.” 

Ed bit back a grin. Oswald looked like a guilty child but he was the sweetest person ever and Edward just wanted to gather him in his embrace and never let him go. 

“So we  _ slept  _ together. As in, you and I,  _ sleeping  _ in the same bed.” 

“Yes,” Oswald sighed. 

Ed smiled even more. “You made it sound like we had sex.” 

Oswald’s gaze snapped up, eyes wide with concern. “No! No, we haven’t had… we haven’t done  _ that _ . I wouldn’t do this to you, Ed…” 

Ed put his hands on his hips. “Well, that’s disappointing. I thought you loved me,” he teased. 

Oswald swallowed, still not quite following. “Sorry, what?” 

Ed chuckled. “Please, don’t be so worried. I’m not mad at you.” He took a step closer and took Oswald’s hands in his. “I think now is a good time for my confession.” 

Oswald nodded. “Okay…” 

Ed felt a bit shaky again, worried that he might lose Oswald if he told him the truth. But Oswald had been brave and came clean about this. Ed had to do the same. 

“I mislead you. Well… lied to you.” 

Oswald frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“After you told me the properties of Isabella’s tea, I didn’t take it anymore. These last days I’ve been… I’ve been pretending so that I could be close to you. I wasn’t under the influence of the herb.” 

Oswald paled. He quickly pulled his hands to himself, his lower lip began to tremble. “You  _ lied  _ about that? Why would you  _ do  _ that? To watch me make a fool of myself? You knew how I felt and yet-- Was this a joke to you? Were you laughing at me all this time? The way I suffered… Why did you have to be so cruel about this? You could’ve just said you didn’t want me back…” 

“No, no! Oswald, that’s not what happened at all! I did it because I was scared.”

Oswald sniffled. “Scared. Why?” 

“I wasn’t sure how to respond to what you told me. I was scared of what I felt. I don’t have a good record with love… My first girlfriend died in my arms after I strangled her. I guess I needed to feel safe and comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship again before actually admitting out loud that I--” The words froze in his throat. 

“That you…?” Oswald urged. 

“That I have feelings for you too, Oswald,” Ed finally said. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he felt more nervous than he ever had with Kristen. But it was also  _ so good  _ to finally say this to Oswald’s face! “I think I’m in love with you!” Ed couldn’t help but smile as he confessed this. “I love you, Oswald!” 

Oswald was quiet. He looked at Edward, lips parted and eyes sparkling. It was impossible to deduce what his final response would be. Even Ed, who knew Oswald so well, couldn’t really predict his actions. It was part of Oswald’s charm. For better or for worse, Penguin always remained strongly driven by his emotions. 

Ed gave him time. He owned him that after everything that happened. 

Finally Oswald snapped out of his stupor. He shook his head and took a step closer to Ed. 

“You love me?” he asked breathlessly. 

Edward smiled. “I do. I love you more than I can put into words.” 

“And you… you want to try this? You and me? Together?” 

“Nothing could make me happier,” Ed said honestly. “If you would still have me, Oswald, I’d try my best to make you happy! I’d do anything for you, Oswald. Anything.” 

It took a small eternity for Oswald to actually believe this was real, but then he smiled at Ed as happy tears slid down his cheeks. 

“I feel the same!” He placed his hands on Ed’s arms, holding him close. “I love you so much, Edward! You’re my one true love!” 

“I know you’re mine too, Oswald,” Ed said with feeling and kissed Oswald passionately. 

When they finally pulled away from one another to breathe Oswald chuckled. 

“What is it?” Ed asked with a grin, dizzy with happiness. 

“I was just thinking how funny it would be if one of us doesn’t remember this in the morning.” 

Ed’s smile fell. “It would definitely  _ not  _ be funny. Why are you even saying that?” 

Oswald snorted. “Because I took some of that tea of yours to gather my courage to tell you the truth tonight.” 

Ed gasped in horror. “No!” 

But Oswald just kept laughing. “Gotcha!” 

“Very amusing,” Ed rolled his eyes, but the corners of his lips were quirking up already. 

“I’m teasing, my love,” Oswald snuggled close as he smiled up at Ed. 

“But seriously, you didn’t take anything, did you?” 

Oswald chuckled fondly and placed a kiss to Ed’s cheek. “I’m only high on love for you,” he whispered. 

Ed grinned. “So shall we go to bed now?” he asked, voice dropping down an octave. 

He could feel Oswald tingle with anticipation. “Yes. And this time we’re waking up together.” 


End file.
